Non-Jews are for practice
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Rumble strips road head = magical
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
