Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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