Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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