Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Randomize
