i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
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