i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Dicks are not precious.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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