I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
he was CRYING into my vagina
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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