Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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