her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
We have so much sex to catch up on
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
