careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
