he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
