No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
