She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I met the friendliest cop last night
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
