i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
