Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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