Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize