I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
My ass is underappreciated
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
