Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
