i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
