i always forget guys have bellybuttons
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
