But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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