oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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