It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
