Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
