I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
