I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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