You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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