the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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