don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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