i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
