dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
