Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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