question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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