i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
