Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
