Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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