my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
