I feel great
I just peed on a car
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Say something about gay babies.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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