You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize