peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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