Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
