She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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