I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
