I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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