He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
