I'm going to jail i love you
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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