if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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