My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
