My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
My pussy is not your playground.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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