Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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