My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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