My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
