Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
