i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
