1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize