His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
