the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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