Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
