we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
