Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
