My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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