i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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