Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Randomize
