My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
