I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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