weddingsv make me drug and hornr
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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