I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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