i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
We need a shit load of segways right now
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
