apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
