I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Randomize
