sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
