did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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