I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
