Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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