FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
